onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
