Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
