My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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