He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
