a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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