I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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