I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
