i will never coherently bang her
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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