If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
