On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
