really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
