you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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