I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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