She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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