Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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