I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
