i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
zippers are such a cool invention
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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