Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
