i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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