What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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