omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
