So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
