A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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