And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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