Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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