honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
