This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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