I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
