I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.