My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..