He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.