if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal