This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
bring money and cleavage
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
