HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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