I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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