So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
