saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize