so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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