Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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