I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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