its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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