did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
