I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
