Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
