i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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