They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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