he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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