Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
