you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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