3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
