so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
