We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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