he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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