Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize