Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
