Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
