: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
