Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
how drunk are you?
Several
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
