I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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