About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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