The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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