Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
