I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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