Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
