i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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