anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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