OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
