Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize