hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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