If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
