he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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