I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
