Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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