I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
