New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
